Breaking Brad: RG3 thongs; another beer garden in Omaha - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 1:30 pm / Updated at 12:27 pm
Breaking Brad: RG3 thongs; another beer garden in Omaha

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's afternoon edition

Read Brad's morning edition here.

* Tuesday at the Portland, Ore., airport, a man removed all of his clothing to protest airport security screening. Not surprisingly, he still met the Southwest Airlines dress code.

*The Secret Service is reportedly giving Ted Nugent extra scrutiny after his endorsement of Mitt Romney. That's sign No. 1 your endorsement was over the top: The Secret Service is alerted.

* Later this month, Tom Becka is returning to Omaha radio with a show on KKAR. Becka is going full-steam ahead after finally getting over the shock of realizing that he was out while the KFAB late-night psychic still had a job.

* The NFL has unveiled its regular-season and TV schedules. This is surprising - instead of any Tampa Bay Buccaneers games, the networks will be televising four Peyton Manning/Denver Broncos practices.

* North Korea just conducted a disappointing long-range missile test. The government is trying to spin it. Instead of the world's worst long-range missile, they're classifying it as the most successful bottle rocket launch ever.

  * In Myanmar a candidate who was under house arrest was elected to parliament. In the U.S., we use a reverse chronology: First the candidate is elected to Congress and then he's arrested.

* A new book asserts that O.J. Simpson is innocent. After hearing this, Simpson leapt to his feet and said, "I am?"

* The Omaha Earth Day celebration on Saturday will feature environmental speakers, live music, 100 "green exhibits" and a beer garden. This answers the age-old question: "Is it remotely possible for Omaha to hold any large event without a beer garden?" No, it is not.

* To tie it to Earth Day, the beer garden will be recycled from one of the 3,249 other events in Omaha in the past year featuring a beer garden.

* Actor Alec Baldwin is engaged. The couple will be setting a date just as soon as they find an airline willing to fly them on the honeymoon.

  * Have you seen that new movie - "Titanic 3D: We Want The Rest of Your Money"?

* I missed the WNBA draft Monday night. For the third consecutive year, I instead opted to watch the qualifying round of the regional Yugoslavian yo-yo championships.

* Some fans are going to wear Robert Griffin III thongs to the NFL draft. This will still be less offensive than Mel Kiper's hair.

* This weekend an international equestrian event takes place at the CenturyLink Center, and on May 15 the Nebraska primary is held. It's a tossup which event will result in more manure in the streets.

* On her cooking show, Shaq beat Rachael Ray in a game of basketball. However, she bounced back the next day and, after removing a tuna souffle from the oven, trounced the Charlotte Bobcats 89-73.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Read more related stories
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Teen killed at Gallagher Park was shot in head as he sat in SUV, friend who was wounded says
Attorney: Man accused of trying to open plane's door needs psychiatric evaluation
49-year-old sentenced to 40-50 years for attempted sex assault of child
Brothers looking for pot sentenced for violent home invasion
At Boys Town panel, experts stress it's never too early to educate children
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Gov. Heineman calls 2014 a 'very good year for Nebraska taxpayers'
Ex-Iowan behind landmark free speech case recounts story in Bellevue
Arrest made in teen's shooting death at Benson's Gallagher Park
Section of 50th Street to close for bridge demolition
Nikko Jenkins found guilty of 4 murders
Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
Plans for new $16M YMCA in Council Bluffs at 'critical juncture'
Woodmen request would take nearly $40M in valuation from tax rolls
With fixed AC, Fort Calhoun's nuclear station ends brief shutdown
Windy day could make driving difficult on east-west roads
Richard Brown steps down as Charles Drew Health Center CEO
OPD safety expo set for April 26
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
18-year-old arrested in stolen-car case
U.S. Senate candidate Bart McLeay trails his 3 GOP rivals in fundraising
86-year-old Holdrege man killed in weekend collision
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: How much would you pay for a corn dog?
The Arizona Diamondbacks have a new concession item: a $25 corn dog. For that kind of money, it should be stuffed with Bitcoin.
Breaking Brad: Pothole repair crew gets stuck in a pothole
In East Lansing, Mich., a pothole repair crew got stuck inside a pothole. How did this not happen in Omaha?
Breaking Brad: What do the moon, Colorado senators have in common?
How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
Shoreline Golf Club
$40 for 2 Players, 18 Holes of Golf with Cart ($85 Value)
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »